A long time ago, and therefore very far away, I was in love. It had happened before. It’s happened since. Never like the time in question though. Not even close. It’s one of the stranger twists my life has taken.
We were in our mid-late 20s when we got together. We both loved music, liked movies, enjoyed good fiction, and appreciated good food. The sex was off the charts. It got hotter over the four year course of our affair. Really.
The problems were simple. First and foremost, she was a fundamentalist Christian. I’d been brought up the same way, but managed to break the chains. She couldn’t. Her father was a preacher and her social support system, save me, was hardcore Jesus-freak. She had basically outgrown that simplistic view of the universe, but was too indoctrinated to make a break with it. Lastly, she wanted kids and I didn’t. She tried to talk herself into not wanting them, but she did (want them). In the end, Jesus and motherhood doomed “us”.
It’s been nearly 15 years since we last spoke and I still miss her. Sometimes it still hurts. Only for a minute though. Time cures that sort of thing, albeit very slowly. Our relationship made no sense. Love can take on a life of its own, however, and when that happens, all you can do is hold on and hope it doesn’t destroy you. I wanted her, but I know that for her to have been happy, I’d have had to have given her a couple of kids. I’d also have to be studying my Sunday School lesson about now. In a phrase, the price was just too high for us to pay.
January 7, 2007 at 5:46 pm
It’s amazing isn’t it J, how another human being can get under our skin so deeply. I have my own version of this story too. We didn’t have the same problems but I suppose really it doesn’t matter – if it’s enough to keep you apart then it is.
WC
January 8, 2007 at 11:28 am
I’ve been there too….maybe its part of growing up to have that experience. To go through the loss of that one you’ll always remember. Frankly, looking back, I’m really glad it didnt work out back then! Remembering can remind us of how lucky we must be that a certain door was closed, and we went through other doors instead….
January 8, 2007 at 12:18 pm
it’s hard to let go of the ones you just could so see yourself with at the time (if only they/you could change…) i was with someone for 5 years off and on, i loved him more than anything but couldn’t make the obvious differences go away. it hurt bad but i know it was the best thing i ever did to walk away, even if it did take me 6 walkaways to finally get it right LOL.